by Addie Cutler, Kalsman counselor With each new group of campers I have, some form of this interaction occurs:
“Addie, why are you practicing Hebrew during menucha?” Because I never learned it. “But then how were you bat mitzvahed?” I wasn’t. “But you were raised Jewish, right?” “Then why are you here?”
After being raised secularly in an interfaith family, the most Jewish thing about me was that I lit some candles and ate latkes for 8 days, once a year. That never bothered me until I left for college and was compelled to tell people that I’m half Jewish, though I didn’t really know what that meant outside of the fact that my dad was raised Jewish. This led to a wayward connection with a student living in my dorm who eventually invited me to join her on Taglit Birthright. In January of 2014, we spent 11 days in Israel with URJ Kesher. It was my first intercontinental trip, my first Shabbat, my first experience where I felt proud and excited to be Jewish. So I asked the rabbinical student who led our Shabbat services to give me some advice. How could I continue to learn the things I never did and gain the experiences that I never had? His answer was “camp counselor.” 
At 19 years old, I have never felt more Jewish than I do after two months at camp. One of the core values at Kalsman is Reform Jewish identity, and it’s the one I feel is the most important to me. Never would I have thought that I could memorize the entire Birkat Hamazon (or even know what it was), have the desire to learn Hebrew, or spend hours in the art room making a Tallis. Growing up, I went to Christian summer camp for no better reason than the fact that all my friends were there. I was an imposter because singing the songs and reciting the prayers never felt right. While I did have fun, those camps never made me feel like a part of a community and it most certainly never felt like a second home. But here, even when the Hebrew transliterations were hard to read and all of the songs were new, I still felt like I belonged. Simply by being surrounded by so many amazing kids and adults who are Jewish, I felt excited to be Jewish too.
I often glanced at other counselors and staff members with a pleading look when campers asked me questions about the Torah or the reasons behind certain traditions. Though I usually didn’t know the answer, I made sure to thank the camper for asking. While the well informed adult I found for them explained all things Judaism, I made sure to listen in. One of my favorite parts of this job was that I got to learn everything along with the campers. I also loved it when the campers could answer my questions themselves. After offering me encouragement (and a bit of assistance) while I was working on my Hebrew, my second session cabin insisted that I have a camp Bat Mitzvah next summer. I don’t know if I will, but I was still amazed that they were so supportive of my growing process. Maybe in that moment, encouraging me helped them feel more Jewish too.
When I interviewed for this job, Sarah Moody, the Assistant Camp Director, asked me what message I would want to impart on the campers. My answer was this: Jewish learning doesn’t stop when you’re 13 and a Reform Jewish identity looks different on everyone. I want the campers to know that being curious about Judaism is cool and that some people choose to be Jewish. I want to be the counselor who inspires them to ask questions and shows them how interesting Torah study can be. When they come back next summer, we can compare our Hebrew skills and continue to debate the merits of our family’s kugel recipes.
Some days at camp are hard (I guess that’s why they call it “work”), but most days I closed my eyes during T’filah and thought about how grateful I was to be at camp. I never had the opportunity to be a Jewish camper but I can live vicariously through those that have that chance now. I’m telling the truth when I say that T’filah is my favorite part of camp (though Shabbat shira might be a close second). And I might be the most excited to have touched a Torah for the first time in my life. And all this might make me the poster child for both Taglit Birthright and Camp Kalsman. But I’m happy to drag my campers along in my journey to find my Reform Jewish identity. I hope that as I build mine I’m helping to build theirs too.